Tree Story - 2

I am back, the class was long and calculus is boring. So without wasting much time I would like to come straight to the problem, as I said I am Love deprived. I have seen love, I have experienced love but now that it’s gone I tend to seek it in everyone and everything around me. My expectations are broken and I get hurt. Don’t worry, I won’t make this a typical Bollywood movie, before we get emotional; let me tell you how it began. It was an autumn and that rascal kid raja was only eight, I remember being visited by the most beautiful of sparrows in my and raja’s life. I loved the way she used to climb on the top of my branches and sing for me. She would stay with and talk to me every day, it was a beautiful period of my life ; golden period as they say, I loved her a lot, I could never forget the rainy season that year in ‘Pankhipur’ it rained very heavily , many trees were uprooted . I am sorry to say I lost two of my brothers too, in that heavy rain and storm, all I did was to make sure she was safe inside her nest. I never moved a xylem (That would me our muscles) in the fear that my love, my care for her would be broken. Three days that storm last and for three days I never moved, we had come very close after this. She sang for me now at any hour, day or night, anytime I wanted a song out of her, she made sure I heard it. She once was sick with a flu, Don’t worry it wasn’t a bird flu, that’s the most dangerous of all diseases but only in chickens, so when she was sick with flu I always made sure that she could get the breeziest of air by letting off my branches, by letting the wind brush against her face I made sure she got better in no time. And then one fine day, she was gone, just like that. I woke up one early morning after a night of carbon dioxide release to realize she was gone. And poor me, as you know I can’t even move. That was the day I realized love hurts, I was stuck with my roots firmly standing on the ground and couldn’t move to search her. I waited with my eyes searching the skies for any presence of her but she never existed, or maybe she never cared. My problem is I am in love with her. My problem is after she left I could never accept the fact that she was gone, gone for no reason, gone without a mistake of mine. My problem is I miss her and now it’s been 5 summers since she is gone I have been always remembering her. It’s not that I never tried to move on, don’t mind, after a few Hollywood movies I am adapt in the love talk. So I tried to move on , I let a nice cuckoo set up her nest in my arms , but I could never give my cuckoo the love and protection she deserved , she wanted and expected from me , it’s not that I didn’t want to , but everything I wanted to do for her reminded me of my sparrow . It did, trust me, all the time, and being afraid of the fact that I was going to hurt the cuckoo I let her go. She could never understand me, she cried till the last minute hoping me to change my decision but I didn’t have the strength. I couldn’t cheat with her. Now it’s been 6 summers with my tender love with the sparrow and a summer with my tender affair with the cuckoo, as you can see it’s a complex situation. I don’t feel like letting a bird build a nest in my home anymore, this summer I drew a lot of them away. They call me a snob as I have come to know. I have began to fear this emotion of love now, I don’t know how will I forget my sparrow or how will I move on with my life. I am emotionally drenched , I want to live but I can’t , I want to give and share my love but I can’t , I want someone special in my life someone I can care for but I have no one because I never know when they will run away or if I will drive them away. I have become a recluse, I hardly talk to any birds, I don’t let them sit on my branches and sing. I shake vigorously and scare them away whenever a bird comes close of getting attached to me, I am scared of attachments and I am scared of love. What was my fault, I will never know, where was I wrong I have no clue. I know one thing for sure I want to fall in love, I want to care and to be cared but I am scared. I have in me a deep sense of helplessness , because I know I want to do things , I know I would love to do them , but I can’t. I have lost the faith and trust in myself. So, that is my problem. The pundit was right; indeed it does feel good after having shared it all. I would love to hear your responses, I have seen sms's contests and would have given you options and a number to type “Y” or type “N” and message it to me but I don’t have a mobile and neither does anyone expect the sarpanch of “Pankhipur” For replying kindly mail me at this kind writer’s email who would deliver all your responses to me, or post something in the comment section of the blog. Don’t be surprised I don’t have a laptop either, though I am looking forward to gain one in the gram vikas yojana. This writer has been too kind to me for sharing my views, I owe him good mangos the next season and to all of you kind people who read this. Looking forward to your replies With love The mango tree