PART - 1 "ILLUSIONS"

The sound of Television in the background was annoying me, it was 11 in the morning and all I wished right now was to listen to some quality music without getting pestered by the increasingly irritating sound of a news channel. I tried to ignore the sound , focused my mind on the gothic wallpaper on my Desktop but My patience ran out , I stormed up to put an end to the ever increasing nuisance , My hands clasped the remote and a horrifying silence filled in the room as I choked the voice disturbing me. My laptop was showing off liners, I sat down and started replying them all. Amidst all this I knew I was trying to avoid searching for the one person, The one friend i was actually searching for. I checked her status but as always my yahoo turned up no results, I played a random rap track and tried to focus on the explicit lyrics of Eminem but those thoughts came pushing at me and I gave up.

I never knew her personally; we met in one of those chat rooms every guy of my age is addicted to. “Emotions are very strange, we never care enough for those who care for us but our ego is pricked when on being ignored by someone, and we tend to miss them even more”. I slowly increased the volume as the incessant rapper blurted out abuses to everyone in his family.

What amazed me was , I didn’t even know her for a long time, I had many a friends who had a fall out, Many friends who were never in touch but I never missed them. But She was very different, She was a believer, Someone who had taught me the art of trusting my inner voice. I was impressed by her over powering thoughts on everything, to her everything was either black or white, Those shades of gray never existed in her belief. We used to speak about almost everything, from politics, sports to my hair cuts, we used to share them all.

“We could have been the best of friends, if it wasn’t for her ego “I said to myself. Images of my last chat with her flashed into my mind. (angel20034u) that’s how I knew her. Our timings were always fixed, she used to login at 5 every evening and I did the same. We had become very good friends in a very short span of time, Very close and always trying to figure out all the good and a part of the evil that’s with the world. She was different, had a unique thought process. She was one of those people who believed that it was us, our actions that affect us and the presence of any other individual in our life, their importance was for us to gauge. She believed that we tend to forget our inner strength and get hurt or upset over people and things when the best thing we can do is to ignore them

I wondered what made me miss her so much, Was it her friendship or was it the fact that her voluntary ignorance hurt my ego. Ignorance is bliss they say, she chose to ignore me as a friend and attained bliss but I could never respect the fact that she didn’t want me to be a part of her life. "Rejection by someone unknown, someone who didn’t even know me had hurt my pride" i thought. I longed to meet her once again, not to talk to her but to ignore her so that she would know how bad it hurts to be me.

'I seek revenge, a revenge to would fulfill my false pride' i uttered to myself. I wanted to let her know that if she didn’t want me in her life, I never expected her to be with me either. I wanted to erase out for once this sense of self pity, I had to prove a point, she wasn't that important to me as she believed she was.

It was a fateful day when I last spoke with her , I remember India had won the T20 world cup and I was very excited looking forward to share my thoughts with her, when I finally met her, she was upset, worried about a couple of bomb blasts in her city, I tried to talk to her, tried to communicate but she seemed unresponsive of both my cricket talks and my constant efforts to cheer her up. Impatience took its toll on me as I got into my last argument with her , She was very upset with me because according to her I engaged myself in an artificial bubble of hope when there was death everywhere . The argument grew and I tried to call truce saying “People don’t really care about anything till it happens to us or to someone we are close too”. She refused to believe in any of my thoughts and visibly more upset she stopped replying me. I didn't read much into it, This was a common day occurrence . Being the short tempered person she was it took her sometime to cool down and listen and understand things. I left her a few offliners and logged out.

6 months have passed from then and now, hers is the one name I always search for, My messages have being ignored, I haven't heard from her ever since then. I want to talk to her once, to make her realize the beautiful bond of friendship is far beyond ideological differences. It’s not my fault that cricket involves me more in it than bombs , It’s not my fault that I choose to live in a happy surreal world when I know death is at the next corner , It’s not my fault that I feel her presence with me even when I know she has shunt me out of her life .

I miss her, I miss a friend, I miss those moments of happiness her presence used to give me, I miss her correcting hand whenever I crossed my line, I miss them all. I wish to get back in the past, and ignore her for once to let her know how I feel , Life has moved on , I have got many a friends now , Even those bomb blasts have begun to affect me but there’s an unseen wish that grows deep in my heart , “Yes ! I wish to ignore her “