PART - 2 "DESPAIR"

A lot has been written about me , off late I have become a ridiculed public figure , Probably you will give me the same sympathetic reaction if I revealed my identity , hence I would cleverly skip the part of introducing me to you . I am (angel20034u) a user name,a Google search engine would throw up thousand e-mails accounts with the same but there is a reason I am different.

Human race is the most adaptive of all creatures, we all tend to believe in necessities, assuming our life will end once we are forced to live without them. We think we are dependent on people, their support and their emotions when the truth is when forced to separate or live without them, we shrug ourselves and adapt to the situations present in front of us. Life poses such numerous daily threats to our well being and existence that the past loss seems inconsequential , we get busy saving ourselves from the amazing journey called life only to feel dejected, get lonely and remorse the loss when sad.

I am no different, I have changed , I have accepted all the situations put ahead in front of me , I was given the option to break down or to adapt , I chose to accept my choices and make the best of them. There’s one wish that secretly pricks my heart every now and then, I once had a friend.He was a very lively, joyous character, Filled with the supreme form of life; He was Someone who never failed to bring a smile to my face, Indeed a rational human being and a good friend to me .There is something i need to confess, I need to tell him , I miss his presence in my life a lot.

I never met him personally, he was one of d huge lot of acquaintances I had built online, but somehow our friendship slowly blossomed. I loved the way he used to take care of me, those talks which allowed me to open up and share all my views with him. He not only listened to all of them but also made sure I felt accepted. Many of my random thoughts which never were allowed to be shared could never be hidden from him. His presence gave me an open strength and explore all the realms of world as i wanted them to, He made sure i had a rational approach to everything, and that a flower would impress me with its colour than its petals, I adored his open mildness, something that allowed him to accept things as they were. (toogud4u76) that’s how I will introduce him to u.

I can never forget the last time I spoke with him, being the cricket fanatic he was , he was excited about India winning the T20 world cup and wanted to share his excitement with me. I wanted to talk to him , I wanted to feel excited as he did , but my city was on fire . There were bomb blasts all over the city, 9 serial blasts as I came to know later. The city was caught in a religious frenzy with people thirsty for each other’s blood; I was sick, sick of the blood shedding and tired of it all.

He could sense I was depressed, but none of his pep talks helped me, I was very depressed and entangled in my own thoughts so I got into a wild argument with him. Just when I thought we had called it a truce with him saying “People don’t really care about anything till it happens to us or to someone we are close too” my door bell rang.

As soon as I opened the door , 4-6 armed men came running in , I was shocked , a sense of reality came breathing into me as I was punched and slapped hard across my face, they tied my hands, and dragged me along the floor. I can still feel the pain, the fear; I still remember their blood shot eyes , I thought I was going to pass out from the pain , but a fresh punch on my stomach made me get back to my senses. Before I could comprehend anything that was going around and cry for help , I was pinned down to the floor and a pair of hideously angered eyes climbed on top of me , I cried out for help only to be hit hard by a metal object . I had no clue how long did the ordeal last, When it finally occurred me to that i was still alive, I looked around to see Them busy rushing out of my house with everything around engulfed in flames. I tried to move but I couldn’t, when I opened my eyes next I was surrounded by a hundred of others lying in a hospital bed as me.

The flames burnt a major portion of my body and now I am unable to use my legs , the scars on my face refuse to heal and a glimpse in the mirror reminds me every day of how ugly I am, how ugly the world is . The loss was a lot for me to take; I lost my mother and father because they belonged to a particular race of human breed. I lost my life because I chose to believe god in a different way. The anger and anguish in me forced me to fight, but 2 months of agony and a constant media eye made me realize it was all but a dead end. I chose to accept things as they were and survive with a new fight everyday hoping for my re-birth.

I wish to talk to him once; I want to tell him life teaches you everything. I was the one who made him believe that it was us, our actions that affect us and the presence of any other individual in our life, their importance was for us to gauge, We tend to forget our inner strength and get hurt or upset over people and things when the best thing we can do is to ignore them but that’s just a part of life. Things move far beyond , a few things can never be forgotten , a few wounds can never be healed .I try my best to exist in this world knowing my absence will not affect anyone, one day a few hours changed my life, my existence. Yes there are things which can’t be ignored and even our inner strength bows down.

I wonder if he really believed in his thoughts, at times I wonder if he misses me, he had said “People don’t really care about anything till it happens to us or to someone we are close too” DID any of this really affect him? Was I a part of him? Was I close enough? Was I?